July 2, 2019

baby doll heads per square inch

I don't typically do montage posts, but today will be the exception.  During our annual trek to Georgia, our sister-in-law took P.J. and me out junking at antique stores in the area.  Add to the baseline kitsch-saturated exhaustion such an activity normally brings the fact that we were within a few miles of Cleveland, Georgia, birthplace of the Cabbage Patch Doll Menace.  The ground water is tainted.  It seeps and leaches and affects all surrounding things. 

Thus, the find rate of horrible, mutated nightmare fuel objects in nearby antique stores, measured in BDH/i(2), or baby doll heads per square inch, is alarmingly high.

Sometimes the baby doll heads are just sitting there minding their own business.




Sometimes they have pine cones growing out of them at strange angles.




Some of them are strategically placed to remind you that It is nearby and controls all life in Its vicinity and you'd better bounce the ball and skip rope in rhythm or you'll be brought to the cabbage patch in the capital city and Reprogrammed.



And sometimes they're advertised as having anatomy and/or value as a video game console accessory, when neither of those is true.




The BDH/i(2) affects other objects, too.  Sometimes it makes people paint and sew things onto otherwise perfectly ordinary objects.

Perfectly ordinary pottery pitcher.


Perfectly ordinary chef rabbit with plugged nostril and paint
cancer, together with petrified squirrel desperate to escape.


Perfectly ordinary naked child squatting in a perfectly
ordinary, organic, return-to-the-earth position.


Perfectly ordinary purse destined to burn in A.Z. Fell's Bookshop.


Perfectly ordinary resurrected fairy zombie watching
with lust as an unidentifiable stone animal makes
unsuccessful attempts to lick its own nipple.


And a hat tip to an object that is probably immune to the high BDH/i(2) in the shop but that nevertheless is full of Win:  I give you the Stealth Cam.

No one will ever know it's there.

6 comments:

  1. I've always been grateful that my girl never took to dolls - except to use them as victims in fierce battles where they were summarily shot, decapitated, or used as hostage victims. Her opinion on Cabbage Patch Dolls ….. 'icky!' As she was quite small at the time, 'icky' was given to things like chewing gum stuck to the bottom of her shoe, anything sticky on her hands and, depending on the tone of voice, could indicate absolute disgust and queries as to WHY??

    Having said that, one of these days, Plushies are going to outnumber human beings and I'll need to get a separate house just for them. But that's my fault - as I collect plushies, and gave her the bug. She'd want the gargoyle pitcher though. It's just weird enough.

    I'm surprised you didn't purchase the purse, and then burn it to dust and smash the dust to atoms, and then melt them in acid....just in case it thought it could come back.

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    1. ................................ FUCK. I didn't buy the purse.

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  2. Yep, we're definitely going junk shopping! Cannot wait! Mona

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    1. How long do you think they'll give us per shop? Fifteen minutes? Ten? Will word get around quickly and doors suddenly have "closed for lunch indefinitely" signs on them?

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    2. They can't kick us out. However, if experience is any indicator, the other customers in the shop will hastily make tracks, leaving us all alone and all annoying with the clerk. If we go junk shopping, promise me we'll watch out for BDH/i(2). Don't want to get into an altered state.
      Lille, your picture captions! I liked the zombie fairy jealously watching the woodland creature fail to lick its own nipple.

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  3. I think we can find some cool junk shops here to check out!

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