June 9, 2019

inside where it's dry

It's late Sunday morning and loads of people around me are shaking out their umbrellas under the covered porches outside their churches' vestibules, propping them in corners, finding their usual seats in pews and an intensified sense of the word "sanctuary".

I'm not there, though.  I'm at home, engaging in my normal late weekend morning activity of trying like mad to find things to do, to stave off depression and existential despair.  Sitting and "being" is just not something I can do.

Add my current layer of waiting to hear about the job and you can see that running away mentally is my only option.

In between re-washing the laundry I started yesterday and then forgot and let sit and go sour, putting together a puzzle, cooking a very weird paleo pancake, and assembling a recumbent bike from parts, I got shaky and realized I needed to eat.  The weird pancake was hours ago.

I have bacon-wrapped asparagus here beside my laptop.  I've stolen The Kid's lap desk for the duration.  It's large enough to serve as a banquet table for twenty guests.

I've visited Facebook and read things, some of them a second time.  I've popped in on blogs.  I've checked the weather again and regretted my current lack of a well-appointed boat.  Old Navy has nothing new.

Now I'm clicking on "Other Bookmarks" in Chrome and looking down the list, and there is nothing to see here.  The list is useless to me.

I have a site where I can get wallpapers for my desktop background.  (That reminds me of something else I can do:  My ring tone is driving P.J. nuts; I need to find a new one.)  But I don't need any wallpaper today.

I have three links to medical providers.  I could go look at test results from a year ago and feel smug that they looked good.

I have three links to my public library's digital online services, which are spread out in a bizarre fashion because part of it has been outsourced to a third party and part is still in-county.  That doesn't matter.  Typically, anything I search for is unavailable.

I have links for checking to see how many people have read my blog.  I haven't used these in months.  There's also a link to a site that has some Java script that I can use to keep it from counting me as a hit.

I have links to project ideas, like sewing a new cover for an Ikea Poang chair.  I even bought the fabric.  A year and a half ago.

I have six recipe links.  One is for bacon-wrapped asparagus.

I have links to sites that occasionally need money from me, like the pet insurance people and the people who manage The Kid's cafeteria funds for school. 

I have Neil Gaiman's MasterClass bookmarked.  I've only taken two lessons.  I don't feel I deserve to have the likes of him speaking to me.

The rest are links to job search sites, and that's a sore subject at the moment.  Lately I've visited them out of rote habit, compulsively, every day, every five minutes, every time something in my current work environment hits a nerve.  Or five minutes.  Whichever is the lesser interval.

I feel like I've read the whole Internet and there is nothing to see here.  I wonder what would happen if I got rid of all my bookmarks and made a bunch of new ones using random web sites.  No, I don't wonder that.  I wouldn't read them.  My mind is as closed today as my bookmarks are dry.  And outside, it's raining.

11 comments:

  1. Okay, I'm exhausted just reading this! And mmmmm...bacon wrapped asparagus! Did you go walking today? I didn't see that you did that. I thought you liked to walk in the rain! It's been raining here, too, today. Had to turn the computer off because...damned lightning. Glad the power didn't go off. It's June. We're not supposed to be getting rain. WTH! Also, I just saw somewhere (can't remember) about Neil Gaiman's MasterClass and even looked up the different things he goes over. What's your thoughts so far on the two classes? Also, I hope you get the job! Mona

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  2. BTW, Did you hear that The Oatmeal guy will be going on hiatus soon? :(

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    1. I did - but Matt's doing some movie stuff instead. Will definitely miss the comics but I can't wait to see what else he gives us. P.J. and I have the framed print of the guy eating cereal in our kitchen.

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  3. I feel your pain - waiting for other people to do their jobs quickly and efficiently is a PITA. Waiting sucks wide. The only think that ever helps me is reading, preferable an old favourite.

    For you, may I humbly suggest Lord of the Rings.....again?

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    1. I humbly second Carol's suggestion, but with suppressed, bug-eyed enthusiasm.

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    2. What the hell ... I could do with some elanor and rain-glass curtains and the vanquishing of the servant of Melchor.

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    3. Whoa, did you just go Silmarillion on us? Have you read that??

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    4. Does a bear wipe its ass with an oak leaf in the woods after it shits?

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    5. LOL!!! I suppose the answer to that is no... but it sounds just feasible enough to keep me guessing. I'll take that to mean you haven't read the Silmarillion but it's bearly feasible that you might.

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    6. Of COURSE I've read it, strange person. I do hope bears wipe, but never mind that. Ungoliant rocks.

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  4. I'm impressed that you've read the whole Internet.
    Actually I understand what you mean. I've read every manga. All that's left is the shitty stuff.
    Loves <3

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