May 29, 2019

resting sweeney todd face

Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd
His skin was pale and his eye was odd
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
Who never thereafter were heard of again
He trod a path that few have trod
Did Sweeney Todd
The demon barber of Fleet Street ....

One of The Kid's dances earlier in May was to the Ballad of Sweeney Todd, and the creepy-ass factor made it my favorite, even though it wasn't exactly performed by advanced students.

I found the song on Spotify and have listened to it 87,092 times in the last twenty-four hours.  No, you may not borrow my time machine.  Doing this tends to get a song into a person's head.  It might be a permanent condition.  I'll let you know.

And what if none of their souls were saved?
They went to their maker impeccably shaved

I walked through Home Depot at lunch today, first to find a bathroom and then to find a broom.  Apparently, when I smashed the shit out of Juicy Brutus last fall ... we'll say the integrity of that broom was compromised.  P.J. and I decided we just want a plain old straw and wood-handled broom, the kind that lasts forever and won't rust or unscrew or miss a spider.

Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle

Walking around with Sweeney Todd in my head and a simple broom in my hand, my face wore the same deadpan, murderous expression The Kid's did during the dance.  It's that kind of song.

The man in the John Deere hat smirked at me in the self-checkout line and drawled, "What're you going to do with that broom?"

I was so deeply into my part that instead of my typical nervous laugh and smile when in the midst of social awkwardness, I turned my demon-expression face on him like stone and said slowly, "My car broke down."

He suddenly became very interested in the act of purchasing his five-gallon bucket of primer.

What kind of question even was that, you over-bold chauvinistic crust-munch?

Tomorrow, I'll wear black to work.

And in the meantime, I'll just leave this here.  I've not posted a picture of The Kid before, but the video quality is woefully pixelated, so I think he'll be safe.  I wish they would have allowed him to hold up a straight razor at the end.


  1. Shiver me timbers, a straight razor, indeed! I'm one freakin' goosebump right now!

  2. Fourth time watching it - and it just keeps getting creepier. The third time was with the volume turned off....that didn't make it any better, in fact it was even more sinister.

    I'm going to buy the kid a seal hoodie as soon as I get down to Wexford again - it'll make me feel better about his potential homicidal tendencies.

    1. I absolutely loved your response to the stupid question from the asshole - don't even think about second guessing yourself ….

    2. Bahhahhahhahhh! The bit about his homicidal tendencies might be my favorite thing you've ever said. Giggle. Oh, no second-guessing here. Another guy in the same Home Depot stopped to comment when Kid was two and we had him on one of those leashes while in the store - which I think they should make for teenagers, too ... looked at me and said, "A kid on a leash." I just said, "Um, yep." He said, "Huh. Ain't ever seen a kid on a leash before," and walked off. Just surreal, that.