May 26, 2019

my birkenstock is the great equalizer

Rly? You're selling these?
On the eighteenth day of walking, I put my sneakers on at sunrise; the day promised to be a scorcher, even here in the mountains, and I wanted to slip out into cool morning air to defy the forecast.  In the end, however, I opted for a later morning walk in the heavy, sweaty sunlight because the early morning turned out to be too gnatty.

Let's pause for a vocabulary lesson.

Natty v. Gnatty:

Natty:  Neat, smart, crisp, and fashionable, pertaining to clothing.  His zoot suit and fedora were positively natty, in stark contrast to his anomalous Air Jordans.

Gnatty:  Characterized by an excess of gnats.  Her Lab mix scratched on the door to be let in after its morning piss 'n' poo and she opened the door to let the dog in and there was a little swarm of roughly fifty gnats in the vicinity of its asshole, which was known to be full of stars.

I don't want to hear your bitching about cannot-unthink, because I cannot unsee and that is way worse.

I'm growing weary of the gnat theme in my life.

I think I know what I'm going to do about the header now.  I'm going to remove "gastric bypass" and replace it with "insect life", because I just realized that most of my blog is actually about bugs and spiders.

(Yes, I know the difference between arachnids, myriapods, true six-legged insects, and the like.  I don't think it's important to heed these distinctions.  They all look the same once they're squished.  My Birkenstock is the great equalizer.  Good luck counting the legs.)


  1. One of those electric bats is a fun, albeit energetic, way of slapping at gnats. They do manage to slip through the holes in the bat a few times, but if done at dawn or dusk they make little sparkles when you do manage to hit them.

    Dogs learn very quickly to tuck & duck when they see the bat heading in their direction. (at least mine did) :p

    Alternative to the bat is hair spray and a lighter - but, with the dog so close by, it's just a tad more dangerous - it's that or the nuclear option - take up smoking...…..

  2. What's the ratio of gnats to humans? A gazillion gnats per human, you say? That's why the great equalizer was invented! Glad Buddy doesn't have a swarm of groupies! Because...gross! ��

  3. I'm liking the electric tennis racket-looking idea ... didn't you tell me that before, Carol? I should listen to you more. Don't quote me on that. It would be way more fun than a Birkenstock. Don't worry, M.L., I'll come save you! Imma have a zappy-racket now.