April 2, 2019

the skeletal remains of betsy devos

I do not have
one of these.
An imaginary conversation took place in my head while driving in to work this morning.

The setting was a starkly furnished room, with only a stainless steel table, two chairs on one side, occupied by Hugo Weaving-looking sunglasses-wearing federal agents of a very secret department, and one chair on the other side, where I sat, making my case.

"Yes, I did say that I wish Betsy DeVos would get dipped live into a vat of hydrochloric acid* and that I could watch them remove her grotesquely cratered, dripping skeletal remains in their rubber harness after the acid had done its job.  I don't think that constitutes making a threat, though.  It would be a threat if I had the means.  You know full well that I don't.  I don't have a vat of hydrochloric acid, and so what if I researched and learned that sulfuric acid wouldn't do the job?  I don't have a vat of that, either.  It's like saying that I would nuke Donald Trump right where he stood.  I'd love that, but I don't have a nuke handy.  Do you?  I don't, either.  That's not a threat, it's wishful thinking.  A dream.  And I'm allowed to dream.  You're violating my First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendment rights at this time and I demand to be released and the issue dropped, in full."


Such are the thoughts of the unfettered mind, regarding the world and driving to work in the dark, early on a Tuesday morning.


*Dear Google:  You've really never heard about hydrochloric acid?  Why did you underline it?  I refuse to believe no one has ever, ever blogged about hydrochloric acid before.

5 comments:

  1. Excellent imagery. 25 gallon or a 50 gallon vat? Health and Safety gear? Hydrochloric* acid is a bitch if it gets on your skin, in all things you really should protect yourself. Where to get rid of the ensuing sludge?

    I really think the Fargo is still the better idea, it's considerably more environmentally friendly.

    Naturally, should such that wishful thinking start working it's way towards action, I'm available to assist. I'll sedate myself for the flight.

    *Thanks for teaching Google about Hydrochloric acid - now I don't have to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just think the acid would be better than the Fargo, because of the imagery of the aftermath. That doesn't apply in every case, but I want them to put her head in a rubber cap so she would still have that hair, but just be a pitted skeleton with that hair. It makes for better photos.

      Delete
  2. What a brilliant idea !! :) In this particular instance I agree with the acid being the far better option.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sure, anything goes. Just be careful. You don't want to end up with your lips fused together and a robot shrimp in your navel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish you had never never never ever said "robot shrimp in your navel" ....

      Delete