February 16, 2019

what i found in my laundry sink

This is not our sink.
Ours is that cheap-ass $20
sink from Home Depot.
The Kid:  "Did you hear a big 'bang' sound while ago from upstairs?  I didn't know if I woke you up."

Me:  "Yeah, I took my ear buds out and looked around and was like, 'What the fuck?' but I didn't investigate because I figured it was you.  No, you didn't wake me.  Molly did.  She put her butt in my face."

The Kid:  "I hit my hand on my desk, really hard.  It kind of hurts."

Me:  "Any particular reason you chose to do that?"

The Kid:  "No, no, I was playing this VR game and the fighting was really intense because I was getting mobbed, and I was swinging a baseball bat down to take this zombie's head off but I lost track of my boundaries and was too close to the desk.  It's a cool game, though.  The zombies are pretty damned realistic."

Me:  "Want to know what game I played this morning?"

The Kid:  "You got back into Portal?  What?"

Me:  "I played the game where you realize the rigged-up pipe system in the laundry room has started dripping water into that bucket again after two years of dry-bucket and you didn't know that last night, so you come downstairs and see the laundry room is flooded, so you put all the clothes in the dryer so you can put the towels that you use to mop up some of the water into the washing machine and you go get more towels and dry the floor and put those in too, but before you can wash them you have to get the water out of the bucket, so you get a bowl and dip it in about four hundred times and dump the water into the laundry sink beside the dryer, until the bucket is empty enough for you to simultaneously move the washing machine forward and catch the bucket so it doesn't fall, and then you dump that water into the laundry sink and put the bucket back empty so you can wash the towels and fill the bucket up again with leaky pipe water, and then you flip the switch so the little pump motor can turn on and drain the water from the laundry sink, except it doesn't drain because the pump isn't moving the water and that's probably because you didn't use it for six years straight, and you poke things down the drain to see if it's clogged and then you run it again and again but it doesn't do anything, so now you have to go get the wet-dry vac from the garage so you can suck the water out of the laundry sink and dump it outside, except that the wet-dry vac is under the bottom shelf and the car's in the way, so you have to go get your keys and back the car out so you can get to it, and it takes forever but you find the attachments and you drag it inside and plug it in and suck the water out of the sink, except that you don't because the wet-dry vac isn't working right either, so you say fuck it and drop the hose on the ground and walk upstairs and shut the door so it doesn't exist any more.  I think I like your game better.  It has zombies in it."

The Kid:  "Umm."

Later this morning, I found myself having a conversation in my head while folding clothes and eyeing the full-again bucket behind the washer.  It was an imaginary conversation with P.J. that we were having because in the scenario, her brother and sister-in-law are coming to visit, and we haven't had company in forever, so I would be in a frenzy to clean the house, including the laundry room.  Imaginary P.J. says, "They won't care, dear, you don't have to clean the fucking laundry room, they won't see it anyway," and imaginary-me says, "But what if they want to do some laundry while they're here?  I want them to walk in and see it nice and clean and sparkling because they're guests!"  P.J. shakes her head because she knows there's nothing she can do about it and I'm going to be on my hands and knees scrubbing that floor soon.  Then I say, "You know what all this sounds like?  It sounds like a conversation Norma and Mackey would have, out of a Fannie Flagg novel, where Norma goes crazy and covers every detail when company is coming and yammers at Mackey, who sits at the dining table and is resigned and just says, 'Yes, dear,' to most of it, because nothing he says would matter anyway.  I'm Norma.  I could write that conversation."


I could write that conversation.  Or, I could write a conversation between the two characters, already nicely developed.  And I find that I've already done so, in my head.  And that I do that all the time.  Book characters, movie characters.

I found a debunked personal myth in my laundry sink.  I can become a character and write it.



  1. Lille,

    First, the obvious: you need a bigger bucket and maybe a plumber. Secondly: at least you don't have an imaginary Martha Stewart-esque talk show going on in your head as you, the host, explain to your audience how to get down on your knees and scrub and then provide a demonstration of said act. Lastly, if you are writing fully developed conversations between developed characters -- well, you sound like a writer to me! Good luck with it all, my friend! Mona

    1. It's the only bucket that will fit and we've had two plumbers look at the situation and declare, "Welllll, that there's really the only way you could rig it up down here," and walk off scratching their heads. Two: Martha Stewart needs to vanish. Three: Hush.

    2. I recommend Idenden Silver Aluminium Foil Tap T303 - and use copiously at all the joints and if necessary along the whole pipe line - it sticks like crazy and is waterproof. :) Pipes should be cleaned to make sure there's no grease or oil on them first. One big roll lasts a really long time. Works with pipes that are under pressure too.

    3. Sheesh ... everyone's a bleedin' plumber! :)

  2. I recommend a new house!
    Haha, it's funny because it's such a grownup response. I remember being a kid and my dad enjoyed being a big downer on everyone. We'd be like, "We're gonna rent a movie and make brownies!" and he'd be like, "Why dontcha scrub the toilets instead?"
    I think you just wrote an imaginary conversation about writing an imaginary conversation? Meta.
    Yes, all you have to do is write all those crazy little head stories down and then everyone will read it and you'll wonder why. I know because I've been there. Writing also helps if the story just keeps cycling over and over in your brain and you can't escape it, at least for me it does!

    1. Thanks, Sarah - please just keep saying that because I need to be hit over the head with it a bunch, I think, in order to get moving on it. I wrote a piece yesterday just for shits and grins and it got P.J.'s approval ... now I'm trying to put together a story in my head and it's all swirling, more questions than answers, but maybe it will settle like glitter in a jar soon. Or ever. Even ever is good.