January 1, 2019

why we don't have any espresso

*we agree that we need to buy a cappuccino machine*

P.J.:  So what's my budget on this?

Me:  Whatever you want it to be.  Just make sure the machine isn't huge because we've got to fit it in the kitchen somewhere.

P.J.:  I was thinking of putting it over on the brown counter.

Me:  What?  There's no room there.  Everything that's there needs to be there, like the dog stuff, and stuff.  You can't put it there.

P.J.:  We could move some stuff off of it to somewhere else.

Me:  Noooooo.  It needs to go over on the regular counter, like beside the cutting boards and banana holder.

P.J.:  That's prime cooking space.  We need that room.

Me:  No, I mean put it where the cleaners are.  We always have two or three bottles of cleaners sitting out taking up room.  We should just put those back in their cabinet instead of leaving them out.  Then there's plenty of room.

P.J.:  Cleaners don't stick out that far.

Me:  Okay, so we could put something there that doesn't stick out and then put the cappuccino machine wherever that thing was.

P.J.:  Even the small ones are pretty big.

Me:  Okay, so we could put away the KitchenAid.

P.J.:  But it's heavy.  So when I use it, it would be a nightmare to get out.

Me:  You mean once a year?  I'll be happy to get it out for you.

P.J.:  I use it more than ... well, yeah, okay, but it's heavy.

Me:  Plus it looks good.

P.J.:  Yep.

Me:  We could move the KitchenAid to where the cleaners are.

P.J.:  The fucking cleaners ... look, it's too big.  I told you.

Me:  Okay, well ... hmm.

P.J.:  We could move the toaster and put the cappuccino machine over by the Keurig.

Me:  And put the toaster where the cleaners are?

P.J.:  WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH THE CLEANERS?  Anyway, no, we'd have to move something else.

Me:  What about the basket of hand towels?  It holds hand towels and pot holders from 1987.

P.J.:  Because you need towels sometimes!  Well, we could move it.

Me:  But then if you put the machine there, you'd have to move the paper towels.

Both:  Nope, can't do that.

Me:  What about the stuff beside the KitchenAid?

P.J.:  You NEED to have that stuff out!

Me:  When's the last time you used balsamic vinegar, 2014?

P.J.:  Within the last six months.  Yeah, that can go in the cabinet.  But the olive oil and salt and pepper have to stay out, beside the stove.

Me:  There's room for all that and the toaster.  Just put the salt in front of the olive oil.

P.J.:  In front of it?

Me:  Yeah?

P.J.:  But then it would always be looking over its shoulder.

Me:  .......

P.J.:  *sigh* I guess we could put away the KitchenAid.

Me:  We could move the banana holder.  We hardly use it.  We could slide it over to where the cleaners are.

P.J. is still laughing as I write this.  And this is why we don't have any espresso or cappuccino.

UPDATE:  P.J. is fighting back with subtlety and grace:


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  2. Those were supposed to be laughing emojis above...wtf. Sigh. Mona

    1. You know? I've always wondered about that! Geez, Google, throw a little love the way of your own fucking product. I guess we all have to go back to the nineties and do :)

  3. You've got something that actually holds bananas? or as Granny Ogg would say banananannas (Sir Terry said it was a word that was easily started but ran away with itself for a while). 'Course I wouldn't have a banana holder 'cause I can't stand the things - but the cleaners really should be put away, and poor salt, it's going to get a sore neck.

    The pair of you could go all out and get a proper bean to cup Italian coffee machine, that way James would know how to be a barista for quick entry into summer jobs, should he be so inclined ;)

    With your fertile imaginations, the bean grinder could be similar to the Fargo, for those humanoids with small appendages ….. just sayin'

    1. although you might not have the room for it - the Italian coffee machine that is...The Fargo is sharpened and in the garage ;)

    2. Er, no, it isn't .... it was NEEDED recently, so it's not in the garage. Will retrieve immediately, as soon as it's ... finished.