January 18, 2019

waiting for the call

In the treading-water space, I find that I'm waiting for the phone to ring.  A friend whose voice I've never heard will call.

I check my phone too often to justify, just in case I missed a ding or chime while I was turned away from it.  I pass by a mirror and look at myself and wonder why someone would call me, knowing what I am.  I make myself turn away from the mirror.

It is a strange thing to me, the now-common concept, when you encounter a person online and know their mind before knowing anything else about them.  Many would say this is better.

But then there is what it means to hear a voice, or to look into someone's eyes.  I don't believe in souls, but eyes are windows into something as-yet-unknown.  We're able, maybe somewhere in our hind brains, to look into a person's eyes and detect subtleties that reveal love and malice and things in-between.  

Voices are more delicate instruments, a hundred tiny aspects in a single spoken phrase.  When I hear the friend's voice, I will know its timbre.  And in the knowing, colors will be cast, clay shaped and smoothed, shadowed things lit and shown plainly.  Everything departs the imagination and takes form.  There is delight in not yet knowing what color my friend's voice is.

But I am still waiting for the call, and giddy.*

*PLEASE NOTE:  This post written following administration of DEA-listed controlled sleep medication, in direct violation of no-blogging-after-you-take-your-Lunesta-dear-oh-all-right-fine protocol.  It is not meant to be stalk-y, only to capture a moment and be fascinated with it in a way that only someone heavily drugged can do.  Thank you.


  1. Lille,
    Uhm, you realize that when I call you at 2 PM EST, today (Sunday), I will open my mouth and only squawks will come out, now -- dry, unintelligible squawks, right? Expect nothing more, and we'll be fine! Expect more and I fear I will surely disappoint. I'll do my best though! And you know I'm from Texas, too, right? I expect you'll hear that in my voice as well! I look forward to calling you. NOT SCARED AT ALL!

    1. YOU ARE SUCH A DORK! Weren't you the one talking about how you've studied the human voice (hence knowing that receptionist was totally blowing you off)? That's all I'm saying here.

      Dork. :)

    2. Something happened while I wasn't paying attention and you guys just doubled in adorableness.
      ...this comment also not meant to be stalker-y. Hahaha