September 19, 2018


I feel awful for what I wrote last night.  It's too graphic.  It's too ... truth.  But that's the very reason I can't delete it.

I saw the doctor this morning about my chronic and increasingly severe neck symptoms.  The nurse did a mandatory pre-screening for depression ... "in the past two weeks, have you felt ... thought ...." ... the one where I'm usually able to answer "no" or "very little" to the questions.  Today, my answers, always honest, stunned me.  "Constantly ... somewhat ... frequently ... all the time ... every day."  I didn't realize I was that bad off right now.  I cried after the nurse left.  I cried through three Kleenex.

The neck and shoulder exam left me hurting, but the good news is that it is far more likely a muscular thing than a cervical spine thing.  She could feel the muscles spasm under her touch.  It still needs serious treatment and attention, but it can be fixed.  Muscle relaxants and physical therapy and exercises are in my future, and I welcome them.  Anything that can help me get out of pain and sleep better will help address ... everything else.

Last night left no marks.  And I am too full of self-importance.


  1. Okay, Lille, I just posted a new blog post. I was inspired by you and another blogger. Now, you write the above. Oh, shit! I think I may have said too much! Oh well, too late now. We'll see how it goes. Uhm, pass the Kleenex, please.

  2. BTW, Ouch! You're in major physical pain. Glad you got some good news from the doctor! Here's to a speedy recovery!