July 29, 2018

truth in advertising

Someone has cast a spell upon our house, and I alone resist it.  Both dogs are snoring on the floor at my feet, and P.J., who took the lion's share of last night's puppy-wrangling, has dozed off beside me on the sofa.  All is quiet except for the hum of the air conditioning and my typing, which is amplified.

This is making me giggle to myself.  They're all konked out.  My coffee was better.

As I said, we got Molly yesterday from a rescue smack in the middle of South Carolina.  I've often wondered how a cartographer would set about determining where the "middle" of an irregularly shaped state is, but method aside, I know we were there.  This involved a different highway than the one we drove a week ago to visit family.  This one was devoid of those body-count marquees (depriving us of the satiation of our morbid curiosity about the current total - oh, wait, they have a web site) and paved a bit better, but it was littered with memorial intersections and interchanges.  Signs like "The Mary Jane Doe Memorial Intersection" and "John H. 'Jesse' Fluffmeister Interchange".  We were wondering why these folks only got an intersection and not a whole stretch of highway like notable folks are given in other states.  It seems stingy.

Our road trip game yesterday involved car colors.  We got behind a Ford Escape that was an unfortunate shade of ungodly shit-gold, and decided that we needed to know what Ford calls that color.  This led to some Googling, then our own imaginary car line with realistic color naming, for the consumer weary of considering clothing and car colors that are marketing meaninglessness:

Ford’s Colors
Our Colors (Obviously Superior)
Canyon Ridge Metallic
Screaming Inflammatory Disease Red
Ingot Silver
You Came In Second
Lightning Blue
Cerulean Fever Dream
Magnetic
Mosquito Dusk
Oxford White
Endangered Polar Bear
Shadow Black
The Cowl of Death
White Gold
Beige Lady
Cinnamon Glaze
Dried Blood
Deep Impact Blue
Heterosexual Cub Scout Leader
Electric Spice
Your Baby Shat
Karat Gold
Your Baby Ate Mustard, Then Shat


See?  You would totally know what color of car you were getting, if you shopped with us.

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