July 3, 2018

it really was arsenic

So here’s the conversation that P.J. and I had while we were waiting to talk to Kate after the show on Saturday ....

(regarding her song "Tupelo's Too Far" and a mondegreen)




P.J.:  I’ve got an idea for ‘Two Pillows Too Far’.

Me: Yeah, and if she keeps saying that somebody should write it, she’s going to be covered up with versions that people send her.  Remember what you said happened to Terry Pratchett with ‘The Hedgehog Can’t Be Buggered’?

P.J.:  No, seriously, this one would work.

Me:  What would you make it about?  All I can think of is motel rooms and traveling and Elvis always being on tour and prevented from getting there.  Like, the two pillows on a motel bed. Which is dumb. And probably what that lady in Boston was thinking. Not saying she was dumb.

P.J.:  No, no, no.  It has to do with two words:  Aunt. Rowena.

Me:  Aunt Rowena didn’t use pillows on her ex-husband, she poisoned him with arsenic.

P.J.:  Yeah, but pillows could be symbolic, and maybe she made him sick with arsenic and he beat her again after that, and then she snapped, and he was drunk or something, and she smothered him with two pillows, and that was the ‘too far’ part, and she went to jail.

Me:  Why two pillows?  That would be slippery.  You couldn’t do it with two pillows. Only one.

P.J.:  Why not?  Maybe they were down pillows.

Me:  What the hell difference would that make?

P.J.:  They’re breathable.  You’d have to use two.

Me:  Yeah, if they’re paper-thin.

P.J.:  Well … maybe they were poor and theirs were thin.

Me:  They were poor, but poor people don’t buy down pillows.  They didn’t sell them in K-Mart and Zayre's back in the 70s. Did they?

P.J.:  .... Whatever. So it needs some work.

Me:  Maybe he’s the one who went too far, with the beatings.  I see where you’re going. But nah, two pillows wouldn’t work.  She’d have stabbed him. Seriously.

P.J.:  Fine.  Piss in my corn flakes.

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