June 26, 2018

the free air

'Now, lord,' said Gandalf, 'look out upon your land! Breathe the free air again!' ....

... Suddenly through a rent in the clouds behind them a shaft of sun stabbed down. The falling showers gleamed like silver, and far away the river glittered like a shimmering glass.

'It is not so dark here,' said Théoden.

- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Two Towers


I probe and prod.  It lived in the back, in a seedy neighborhood.  I search under rubble, in hovels and shacks with doors banging in the wind.  I check the back seat of the car.

It's gone.  The wind blows a tumbleweed down the abandoned sidewalk.  The wind brings a refreshing breath.


Even at the best of times, before the lithium, suicidal ideation maintained a tiny presence in my brain, in the back, where it quietly made its presence known through a small, persistent voice that whispered and couldn't be silenced.  It was like living with a mild itch, something easily but consciously ignored.

And sometimes, not so easily.

Sometimes, it roared.

It's gone.

2 comments:

  1. That is wonderful news! Good for you! I hope others who suffer find and/or lose what you have!
    (If that makes any sense.) Anyway, the world has been so full of bad news lately, and I am so glad to hear that you have this to share!

    Mona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Mona! Hope in the face of all the darkness in here and out there feels really, really good.

      Delete