June 28, 2018

my two-year surgiversary

I'm supposed to mark this as a milestone.  And usually, I dig things like anniversary dates.  So why does this day seem trivial?

Having a pouch is so normal to me now that I can't remember life before it.  I don't miss eating big meals because that's a foreign concept.  The candy in shiny wrappers that used to be a source of deep-seated comfort and enjoyment, that once held great power over me, are now random objects with little to no meaning. 

There are things to celebrate, though.  I'm comfortable in my own skin now and willing to do things to protect that.  I haven't inhaled any stomach acid for two years.  I'm not pre-diabetic.  I haven't had physical complications after those first rough few weeks, and I'm finally getting the psychological complications worked out.  I have good care providers.  Things to celebrate.

I don't feel deprived.  I don't feel regret.  My pouch and I, we're tight.

If you're considering or facing gastric bypass surgery, and you feel like a boulder is about to roll over you and smush everything you love and need, please know that it becomes normal after a while and what you feel now, the longing and loss and fear of failure and anger and resentment and regret and all those other things that come with, won't be there forever.  It gets easier.

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