June 14, 2018

my brain is coming back omg omg omg

 
There is no possible way that a dose of 150 mg of lithium could be doing this.  No way.  It's just a trace amount.

But ....

My mood has already stabilized rather a lot.  It's settled at a baseline of a little more on the depression side of things than I'd like for it to be, so the dose needs to journey upward, but my mood isn't a ping-pong ball in a tile bathroom any more.

That isn't the biggest thing, though.  My brain is returning.  The fog that has clouded my memory abilities since beginning Lamictal appears to be significantly mitigated by the lithium.  I don't know what else could be causing this resurgence, other than sun spots or magic.  I do not believe in magic.  I do believe in sun spots, but they're not the likely culprit.  Probably.

My memory is the closest I will ever come to having a superpower.  I can remember things again.  Phone numbers and names are sticking.  Dates are back.  I don't have to ask my son to help me find words.

"What are they called again?  You know.  Those guys.  Stupid hats, Pabst Blue Ribbon."

"Hipsters?"

"Yes, that's it!  Hipsters."


All my life, I have depended heavily on having a solid, reliable memory.  I know that earlier I was on about learning to write things down, and I still do, and I still plug everything imaginable into Google Calendar and will continue to do so.  But I just remembered someone's phone extension and I couldn't do that a month ago, and it woke me up and I realized the fog is thin now and I can see almost all the way into the distance.

That doesn't mean everything is perfect.  I'm experiencing a major disinclination when it comes to answering e-mails and socializing in general.  I'm way less talkative at work and they're missing their class clown.  I don't care.  Ideation has abated and I can remember things.

If this ends up being a wonder drug for me, I'm going to be very pissed off, because I'm going to have to apologize to my ex-monk and admit out loud that I was completely, glaringly wrong on every front.  I don't think he'll do smug-face, though.  I think he'll celebrate with me.

I have hope again.

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