June 23, 2018

list of allergies

I'm exhausted and about to indulge in a nap.  I already got my steps in today and I've been exercising.  Exercises in futility are still exercises. 

I bought modern, sleek brushed nickel light fixtures from Home Depot about a year ago to replace the 1985 brass boob-lights in the hallway.  New fixtures of any kind have to sit in a closet in the dark, under a pile of other good intentions, to properly age before being installed.  This is well-known.

Today, I decided that they were ripe and the step ladder was already upstairs for some other reason that happened weeks ago, so in the interest of continuing my efficiency streak, I rolled up my sleeves and broke out the screwdriver and boxes.  Most of my steps came from running up and down the stairs to the garage to test which breaker needed to be off.

I uninstalled the boob light by unscrewing the nipple, removing the brass areola, and carefully lowering the heavy glass tit and setting it aside.  I untangled wiring.  I got the new fixture out of its box and re-tangled the wiring, fit the screws, and attached the sexy-looking square light.  I ran downstairs and turned on the breaker, came upstairs, saw that I'd accidentally bought the ugly bright blue-light kind instead of the warm, ran back downstairs and turned off the breaker, and came back upstairs and switched the fixtures back.  So much for ceiling mastectomies.

Home Depot is a library.  I love them for this.  Everything is tidily back in its box and I'll go exchange them next week.

It was during this fruitless activity that I learned I'm allergic to whatever they put in popcorn ceiling nubbly-spray stuff, or at least what they put in it back in 1985.  It hit me in the face and arms and went down my shirt, and everywhere that it touched me, I had a red itchy spot for about thirty minutes.

So now, my medically documented list of allergies looks something like this:

Popcorn ceiling nubblies
Cucumber
Anti-inflammatory medications
Latex
Intrusive trauma-resolving therapy techniques


Four of these make me break out in either a rash or hives, and one is listed as an allergy so doctors will not give me NSAIDs.  They will give a post-Roux-en-Y body a stoma ulcer with a snap of your fingers.  

My son reacted to amoxicillin when he was seven.  I had to rush him to the emergency room when his toes started swelling and he broke out in welts.  He had refused the amoxicillin shot the day before in the pediatrician's office, in spite of my pleas, and insisted on taking the oral medicine three times a day for a week.  I'm glad he's as stubborn as I am.

He experienced cold urticaria for several years afterward.  I have this vivid memory of him pulling up his shirt on a morning that was far too cold for his soccer match and showing his coach a welt-covered stomach.  We were in a nice, warm car five minutes later.

I also appear to be allergic to reading instructions.  I see now that if I'd just read the side of the box, I would have seen that the light fixture was clearly described as bright instead of warm.  There's a slider arrow and everything announcing this.  

My pillows and blanket and Peter the Hedgehog and Monkey and Sealy await me.

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